Lying on my back with my legs splayed out in butterfly position, I slowly bring my knees towards each other, inch by inch. At about 45 degrees my thighs start to shake. Just muscle fatigue, I tell myself. Then the shaking shifts, snaking into my abdomen where it pulses like a second heart beat. I feel queasy and, out of nowhere, tears slide down my face.
I’m at Tofte Manor near Bedford, home for The Held Space Nervous System Regulation retreat, and this is a group session of TRE® (tension and trauma releasing exercises) said to discharge tension, anxiety, and even historic trauma.
Our understanding of trauma has evolved dramatically in recent years with thought leaders such as Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine, Stephen Porges and Gabor Mate transforming the trauma landscape. We now know that trauma is held throughout the body; that it can be passed down through generations via gene expression and that it is nuanced (from shock trauma related to a single event through developmental trauma, to PTSD and complex PTSD).
“The perspective of trauma has shifted away from talking therapy to the realms of the body,” says Luke Mullen, co-founder of The Held Space, who led our TRE session. “The idea that we can regulate our nervous systems through movement, body work, through calm environments, through being with others to feel internally safe, has opened the doors for many different types of trauma retreats offering various means to sedate the inner guard dog.”
There are no official figures but trauma retreats, like this Nervous System Regulation retreat, are clearly proliferating. Medispas such as Euphoria, Clinique la Prairie, Preidlhof and SHA address trauma in bespoke programmes while clinics such as the Kusnacht are renowned for carefully conducted stays, but now we’re now seeing a frenzy of group retreats. On a social media group I recently saw a thread requesting recommendations for trauma retreats garner over a hundred replies within a few hours – some sounded sensible; others smacked of facilitators jumping on a lucrative bandwagon. Anyone can call themselves a therapist; there are no codes of ethics or legal standards involved, and precious little accountability. I find it worrying and Luke Mullen agrees. “Concerns arise when facilitators are not genuinely trauma informed,” he says. “I often see clients return from these retreats left in highly activated states. What is transformative for one person can be extremely activating for another.”
Well-qualified and experienced psychotherapists and counsellors tread cautiously. Even just a decade ago it was all about encouraging people to deep dive into their trauma and then scream, yell, sob and bash the hell out of it. Over the years I have been on many retreats, trying to release my own backpack (a mix of generational, developmental and single event trauma). Some have been helpful but others, in retrospect, maybe did more harm than good. I’ll never forget the retreat where the leader had me curl into child pose and then encouraged a pile of people to sit on me. The aim was to embolden me to fight my way out of my dissociation. I simply fell into a freeze state and nearly suffocated.
Nothing like that happens at The Held Space. Tofte Manor is a mellow, welcoming space, a sprawling manor surrounded by playful garden ‘rooms’, meadows, patches of woodland, and not one but two labyrinths. Our group comprises just eight participants and seven therapists who, between them cover psychotherapy, EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing), TRE, EFT (emotional freedom technique), kinesiology, hypnotherapy, and shamanic healing. There are group sessions of TRE, hypnotherapy and EFT but no sharing circles. I’m surprised at the latter but come to appreciate it. Although sharing our stories can be important – I’ve often had an ‘aha’ moment while listening to someone else’s experience – it can also cause an extra layer of stress, of anticipation. Instead we each have four individual sessions with practitioners.
Acronyms abound in the new breed of trauma informed therapies: not just TRE, EMDR and EFT but IFS (internal family systems), MEMI (Multichannel Eye Movement Integration), IEMT (Integral Eye Movement Technique), VCDT® (Visual Schema Displacement Therapy), to name but a few. Add in Somatic Experiencing, The Havening Technique®, Matrix Re-imprinting, Polyvagal-informed therapy et al, and it becomes bewildering. “I wanted to offer a retreat where people could gently try various therapies, to find out which suits them best,” says Leigh Carrick-Moore, co-founder of The Held Space. Carrick-Moore is no stranger to trauma. During the pandemic she went through two years of “total hell” including the death of both parents and six other bereavements, abuse from an ex-partner, a brain injury, an attempted rape and the loss of a business. “I knew I was traumatised (who wouldn’t be?) but I couldn’t find the care I needed,” she says. “I wanted a safe space where I’d feel held, which understood trauma but I could only find clinics that charged £20K a month or poorly run retreats.” Then she met Mullen and, following her own recovery, their mutual desire to help others resulted in The Held Space.
Leigh’s trauma was undoubtedly huge but in general the word trauma is bandied around very loosely nowadays – we’re ‘traumatised’ or ‘triggered’ by anything and everything. It’s often said lightly but Bessel van der Kolk, who has run the Trauma Research Foundation in Massachusetts since 2018 and is author of the seminal book The Body Keeps the Score (Penguin) thinks it can trivialise trauma. “People are inflating the whole trauma notion and now apply it to everything,” he said in an interview with Time magazine. “When someone breaks up with you that’s part of life but that is not a trauma. What’s happening in Gaza, that’s a trauma.”
However that’s not to say that trauma isn’t real – very real. According to PTSD UK up to 70 per cent of people will experience trauma in their life. The crime survey for England and Wales (CSEW) records that one in five adults (8.5 million people) has experienced at least one form of abuse before the age of 16. The UK Trauma Council (UKTC) states that more than one in three children are exposed to at least one potentially traumatic event by age 18. When trauma remains unaddressed it can lead to a vast array of somatic symptoms – from chronic neck and back pain, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, through digestive problems and IBS, to migraines and some forms of asthma. Trauma can cause chronic inflammation and be complicit in autoimmune diseases, cardiovascular disease, and metabolic disorders. The psychological toll is heavy too: depression, anxiety, insomnia, addiction, avoidance of relationships, eating disorders (a meta-analysis showed that people who were abused as children had a 34 per cent higher risk of developing obesity in adulthood).
At first I was sceptical of some of the unusual approaches at The Held Space. Can shamanic work or the deeply esoteric transformational kinesiology (in which past life decisions form part of the mix) really address deep trauma? It’s easy to scoff but specialists such as van der Kolk believe there is space for what he calls ‘less than orthodox’ treatments, such as dancing, drumming, yoga and breathwork. He also believes that psychedelics may have a large part to play in trauma recovery moving forwards. Clinical trials show that, under professional guidance, psychedelics such as psilocybin and MDMA can disrupt trauma patterns and hasten emotional processing. MDMA-assisted therapy has been FDA fast-tracked for PTSD treatment.
My weekend at The Held Space is so gentle, I wonder if it can truly be effective. It’s the polar opposite of the extreme catharsis I’ve experienced on many former retreats but maybe that’s a good thing; perhaps I’ve become nigh-on addicted to the powerful biochemical cocktail released during full-on screaming and sobbing? Have I been going round in a trauma loop?
Over the weeks that follow the Nervous System Regulation retreat I notice an unwinding. I become aware for the first time of the rock-hard tension I hold in my jaw. I continue with my TRE sessions at home and observe tremors move through my entire body as if gently teasing out the stress. I don’t jump out of my skin at every loud noise; my heart rate doesn’t spike so much when certain emails ping in.
Carrick-Moore says the retreat doesn’t aim to be a cure but an invitation: “I want to give people a roadmap to healing and a resilience toolkit to help them on the way.” My roadmap has definitely shifted. I’m turning away from the clinging-by-my-fingernails climb up the mountain to an undulating path through soft meadows. It feels like laying down a rucksack packed with rock.
Retreats at The Held Space start from £2,795 for a three-night retreat
Five more trauma retreats with the gentle touch
Always check that a retreat is held by a well-qualified trauma professional. All good retreats will ask for a call to gauge suitability before accepting you on the retreat.
The Place, Bali
Award-winning luxury psychotherapeutic retreat founded by psychotherapist Jean-Claude Chalmet in 2015. Programmes are tailor-made and may include deep bodywork, shamanic healing and acupuncture alongside traditional psychotherapy and psychiatric support.
Price: from £4,990 for seven days
Website: theplaceretreats.com
Healing Trauma Retreat, Italy
Tess Hunneybell, a British trauma psychotherapist curates a six-night retreat for women, a “safe space for recovery and self-discovery” in an Umbrian monastery. Practices include somatic bodywork, breathwork, yoga and one to one sessions with Tess.
Price: from £2,510
Website: healingtraumaretreat.com
Crystal Clear Coaching, UK, India, online
Psychologist Vanessa Wallace holds retreats focused on healing generational trauma; childhood abandonment; anxiety and depression. “It’s a roadmap for healing ancestral trauma and reclaiming your voice,” says Wallace.
Price: from £950
Website: crystalclearcoaching.org
Resurface, Morocco
An unusual approach to trauma work, these retreats combine surfing (even for total beginners) with EMDR, mindfulness and workshops. ‘Whether you’re addressing addiction, PTSD or past wounds, you'll find connection, understanding and support,’ says founder Josh Dickson, a trauma clinician and EMDR consultant.
Price: from £1,750
Website: resurfaceuk.com
Kiklos, Crete
Week long retreats based on the polyvagal theory of Stephen Porges in Crete, led by alumna Iliana Adamopoulou who draws together somatics, trauma-informed yoga, IFS, EMDR, and mindfulness. You camp in a ‘fairy forest’ and the approach is gentle. “Treatment doesn’t have to be a heavy affair,” says Adamopoulou.
Price: from £960
Website: kiklos-ilianaadamopoulou.com